My Nanowrimo book + relay for life

God is in the rain… I wish it rained last night… Love listening to it from my bedroom window

Here’s the pics of my nanowrimo book… got it in the mail a few days ago. I had completely forgotten I’d ordered it, so it was a pleasant surprise :-D. Haven’t grinned like that in a while. I was afraid my order wouldn’t get taken because I past the deadline of when the website said I could get a free copy of my book.

Front

Back

Spine

Pages

It was about this guy going through mid life crisis and switching careers so that he works in the city… and discovering a lot of things he didn’t know despite his age. Kinda re-prioritizes his life and fucks up his marriage. In the end, he realizes what’s really important.

This was not a very good write. One of the reasons I don really wanna share it. It looks bad-ass though.

Relay for life… basically we raise money for the american cancer society and walk around the track the whole night… was pretty good. Not as good as last year because there weren’t as many seniors. And our tent was infested with ants. Lemon merangue pie at 2 AM…

David Carradine is Dead…

Cain 1

Cain 2

Cain 3

Wow…. is all i have to say. My reaction to his death is… incredibly varied. Apparently, he died from Erotic asphyxiation… which is cutting off oxygen to your brain for sexual arousal (he was found with a shoe lace around his balls and neck)…. I donno if that’s true… but it kind of sounds like it is because there was no one else there and he was found naked and assumed to be masturbating.

Huh…. that’s…. a disappointing way to die. Kind of killed my image of him as an amazing actor in Kung Fu.
Well… I shall remember his character, Kwai Chang Cain, in the television series.

I can’t even tell you how much I worshipped that guy softmore/junior year of highschool. I was all into the Taoism/Buddhism/Zen/Kung fu deal. Treated the tv show like my bible, recording all the quotes, trying to incorporate them into my life. Apparently, from all the online forums i’ve read, a lot of people did that.

I actually don’t have that much emotion surrounding his death. it’s wierd. recently, i have had a hard time remembering my past, the emotions i’ve felt, the excitement I’ve had over ideas and philosophies. It’s very disconcerting that it’s only been a span of four years and i’m forgetting some things that have made me who I am. I wonder why. Iling says it’s a constant battle of wanting to let go of your past and move on but at the same time remember it because it’s a part of who you are.

Kwai Chang Cain gave me guidance when I really really needed it and was breaking away from Christianity. I think i’m going to start studying taoism again… maybe i’m more mature and can better incorporate it into my life. What happened was… i would try to follow taoism/kung fu teachings exactly… and it would turn me into a fake… true… i should follow the teachings, but instead use them as a guide and accept that sometimes i disagree. That’s a problem I have. If i really revere someone or an idea… i’ll take on their philosophy even if maybe deep down I think that killing is okay (and kung fu preached differently). I think i’ll start studying the bible too.

Im going to bed. Night.

-TK

Loners not Leaders

… It’s important to know what you want and if you don’t, explore. Tis also important to be in-tune with yourself and others.

I made the conclusion a while ago that I’m not a leader and am not afraid to say it.

Since I was little… to not be seen as a “leader” has been a bad thing. It makes you feel weak… teachers and parents put this idea in your head that if you’re not a leader, you’re a follower and then you are worthless.

I’m a loner, not a leader. I sort of take my own way, and if it helps to draft someone who’s on my path, then I will, but otherwise I will carve my own path over plains, through forests, and across mountains. I’m not ashamed of that any more. It’s very very important to be comfortable with who you are… lately I have had a hard time distinguishing the difference between “changing who you are” and “improving yourself.”

Though I may take on the roll of a leader in some situations because it is necessary, deep down, I am not meant to lead people for good or bad. If I ever did, it would be for selfish reasons, not the good of the herd. *nod*

First day of work tomorrow.