Thoughts while running

Dear Reader,

I’m coming to the conclusion that the wise sayings that make up the foundation of our culture are quite true and quite wise, but that the only way to learn from them is by rediscovering the adages through experience. I have a theory that as each new generation goes through love, struggle, success, failure, and death, the ones still standing ultimately come to the same conclusions about this thing we call life. This is why age-old adages stand the test of time.

I want to talk about a very simple concept that my coaches and parents have tried to teach me since I was very little, but that I didn’t fully understand until now.

The story.

It was Friday. I was on day four of my running cycle and it was time to dig the running shoes out of the closet. I really did not feel like going for a run. My joints ached. I didn’t feel like I was making any progress on my body. I felt fat and unattractive. Four miles seemed like such a long run, and I was kicking myself for making such a stupid promise. To top it all off, it was hot out and my eyes were dilated.

(Flash forward to halfway through the run)

I did NOT want to be running. I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. I stopped to take a drink of water.

I kind of forget what triggered the thought, but I remember thinking about when I tried out for winter track (I ended up quitting). There was this time when we were doing sprints and the coach yelled at us to stand up straight while we ran. Then I started thinking back to my soccer days, when we would run and the coach would yell for us to “finish strong.” All that time, I thought the coach was stupid. If I was first, I would jog across the finish line. It doesn’t matter how you finish, as long as you win.

I started thinking more. In the future, I would look back on this run and see a painful experience instead of an accomplishment. I would think about the heat, my bad posture, my sore feet, and my general lack of motivation. Instead of being motivated, I would create the same kind of negative energy that I was feeling now. I could hear myself thinking in the future, “Ugh, I have to run today, don’t I?” and put it off until the last minute or not go at all. Instead, in the future, I want each and every run and, well, anything I do, to be a conscious choice that I look at straight in the eye and commit to.

I snapped my consciousness to full awareness. I wasn’t going to disassociate from the pain anymore and get lost in my music. I did my best to see the run as a challenge, instead of something painful that I had to endure. My legs killed, but I promised that the only way I would stop and take a break was if I had a heart attack.

I finished the run, and now it stands as a positive experience in my mind. I think I understand now why attitude is crucial when trying to achieve a goal. It’s because it influences later actions by either providing motivation or taking it away. I think you have to finish strong because it is the end that will ultimately be burned into your memory and result in the difference between feeling accomplished vs. feeling tired, irritable, and miserable.

I think anyone can develop the talent to do anything, but that’s only part of the equation. The other part is the power or drive behind it.

Running tests my commitment to my goals and forces me to develop real drive, hunger, and want.

Finesse + Strength = success. Or Skill + Drive = Success.

Current attitude results in future motivation. Seeing the run as a challenge vs. a negative experience shapes your feelings about the experience (accomplishment vs. pain).

It’s like lifting weights. You need resistance in order to grow. I think many people have talent and power. I believe I was born with the raw skills I need to succeed (the brain/body).  Right now, I’m developing the drive.

Pensive,

TK

Warning: this post contains images of me with my shirt off.

I put in the warning because some people don’t want to see that lol.

But I’m excited and motivated! LOOOK!!! I made progress. Not much, put defs progress…I’m still working for that six pack!

Spring body VS. Summer Body

I’m taking a trip to San Francisco, California!

Well hello,

I’m going on a trip to San Francisco, California with my Dad this weekend! He has a few business meetings, so he’s letting me tag along. I’ll be on my own while he’s in the meetings, so I plan to do some exploring.

Speaking of trips, here are a few pictures from my trip to Ocean City, Maryland a few weeks ago.

We had a hotel looking out over the ocean. It was beautiful. Instead of going straight home to MA, me and my Dad hung out there and got some wikid sunburns. My entire back was red. It’s weird because I don’t usually burn. I also went to Old Town, Alexandria and visited my Aunt and Uncle in Philadelphia before heading home.

Here is a picture I took right after the dog we are watching assaulted me in the shower. UGH I think I lost it. Nevermind. He’s a very cute, big-headed dog who just wants love. He also follows you wherever you go (even in the bathroom) and has this habit of laying down on your feet while you’re reading in a chair or at the computer. I am so getting a dog when I get older. I get along better with dogs than people lmao. Yes, interpersonal skills need to be worked on.

UPDATE: FOUND THE PICTURE!

I’m almost finished reading Do It! Let’s Get Off Our Butts by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams. I’m still outlining Rich Dad’s Guide To Investing: What the Rich Invest in That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki. Both books were extremely good reads. I highly recommend them. I love books that challenge the way you think about the world and yourself, and these do just that.

My dad is finally better! At least that’s what the doctors say.  In the past two years he has undergone a series of surgeries to remove cancer of the tongue and somewhere in his neck. He has also had an organ problem, but today the doctors told him that the problem was nothing to worry about and that it would not affect his longterm health. They also told him a few months ago that the surgery on his tongue/throat was a success and that there are no traces of the cancer. I’m very glad.

My friend, after enduring a lot of poking from me (hehe), started her own blog! Her posts so far are actually really funny! http://viva-plenamente.blogspot.com/

Actually, two other of my friends have great blogs as well:

http://www.theblueguru.com/

http://rebeccaanne91.wordpress.com/

There’s one last thing I want to leave you with. One of the great things about having goals and planning is that you always have something to do. Today, when I finished my four mile run and researched internships, I ran out of things to do. I had completed everything on my list for the day and it was a weird feeling. I got this empty feeling in my chest region. I hate that feeling. What is it? I don’t know. Loneliness? It’s different from boredom. I’ll have to explore it more the next time it comes along.

Here’s a pick I took of my notebook before I started jotting down some ideas.

Love,

TK

I woke up to a dog stealing my pillow!

Dear Reader,

Week one has been completed. I set out the goal last week to write more on my blog, read more, explore more, lose weight, and gain muscle. In other words, no one is going to make my summer amazing (I live in a small suburban town where there is nothing to do), so I’m going to make it amazing.

I worked out three days last week and I ran five days (4 miles). My goal was to work out four days and run five days. I’m kind of angry I didn’t meet the workout goal. But what can I do but change my performance this week. Optimism!

I checked the scale this morning six times. When I weighed in on monday of last week, I weighed May 17: 128.5 lbs. When I checked the scale today, I got two readings May 24: 124-125 lbs. My reading depended on how I placed my feet. I’m going to go with the 125 lbs because I don’t want to cheat myself.

So in one week from exercise, working out, and minimal snacks, I lost three and a half lbs. Yay! It’s not all that noticeable. I’m pretty sure that I lost mostly fat, because I have been eating protein about every three hours and been lifting weights. The only bad food I ate was last night and the night before (weekends are a killer). The good news is, I ran on both of those days. I ate a brownie two nights ago for dessert when me and my family ate dinner in Maine and a hunk of this breakfast cinnamon bun after the season finale of lost to celebrate the six years I invested (even though the season finale sucked in my opinion).

Simply put, my goal of “losing weight” is so my abs are clearly defined. I’m not quite sure how much I have to lose to do that. I’m going to continue the diet an exercise this week  (with more emphasis on the abs) and make it my goal to weigh 120 lbs.

Gaining muscle is a lot slower process than losing fat, so it’s hard for me to find the motivation to keep going to the gym, but I will! They say if you work out 5 times a week and eat six small meals a day with protein every three hours, you will gain about 1-2 pounds of muscle in one month (Closer to one pound). That’s an incredibly slow rate of gain. If that’s right, I will gain about three to six pounds of muscle if I work out five times a week for this entire summer. That’s kind of depressing for all the time and energy, but it’s a start.

My goals for the blog were as follows…

• Monday: Book review: 1 every other week
• Tuesday: Review of other blog: 1 per week
• Wednesday/Friday: College reflection: 2 Per week
• Friday: News Item: 1 per week
• Sunday: Do something new: 1 per week

Goal views per day (average): 5,000.

I didn’t meet the news item goal, but that’s okay. I’m going to keep that up, it might not be in that order though. This past week, I got a total of 5,782 views, an average of 826 per day, a +101.60% change from last week. The week before that was 2,868 views, an average of 410 per day. So I doubled my stats!!! I iz happeh.

I think I’m going to get more involved in the wordpress community. There’s actually a lot of cool blogs out there.

See you next Monday,

– TK

College Experience- Archeology. Decision Unearths Identity.

Decision Unearths Identity.

Note: This is kind of a repeat post, but the topic is on my mind.

I think that discovering who you are, what you like, and what kind of person you want to become is a process that is forced by decisions. Decisions come from being committed to something.

Up until sophomore year in high school, I was extremely confident about who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going. The first thing I remember ever really wanting to be was an FBI agent. After telling that to a lot of people, and having them tell me “well good luck.” I realized I had a very low chance of success, and I kind of put the idea out of my mind.

I had a brief period of wanting to become an engineer with nanotechnology or quantum physics, but that phase passed. It was mainly motivated from reading Time Line and Prey by Michael Crichton lol.

When I was in eighth grade, I went to this computer camp and learned some C++, Java, and CSS. I decided I wanted to be a computer programmer because of the thrill you get from having created something that works and that does something worthwhile. I read a boatload of books about programming, talked with several computer programmers, and was really excited about the career.

However, when I took an AP computer science class in junior year of high school and absolutely hated the teacher, I realized I didn’t want to be a computer programmer. It wasn’t so much that she disheartened me. I didn’t do very well in the class. I think I got a B-. The problem was half of the class had taken a summer class in order to get into the AP class and half hadn’t because we took the school’s perquisites, so me, along with other people, didn’t know some of the stuff that the other people did, and it was very frustrating. I hate learning from teachers. I learn best from books and thinking about it on my own. Anyway, I absolutely despised the teacher, and I couldn’t get over that or swallow my pride and ask for help. I realized that if I got one bad boss, my career would be absolute hell. I didn’t like the idea of someone else having control over eight hours of my day. In addition, when I did a job shadow with one computer programmer, the job didn’t feel like it would be a good fit. I thought to myself, “is this all there is?” As you get better in the programming world, you become more of a manager and your job becomes business, not creation. “Programming has become a commodity now a days,” the guy said. “It would almost be smarter to have an MBA background.”

Another interest that I developed in high school was psychology. I read several books on abnormal psychology (Multiple personality disorder/disassociative identity disorder), some of Freud’s books, and a general psychology textbook. I then took an AP class and found it very interesting. I thought I was going to be a psychologist.

At the same time, I became very interested in creative writing. I started writing poems for girls that I liked and moved on to short stories. I remember in third grade I also was interested in writing. Lol, I tried writing a book about this guy who found these magical items in ancient Egypt and that they were valuable. I kind of stole the story line from Tomb Raider haha, but oh well. I wrote about 15-20 pages, but I lost the manuscript. Anyway, after reading Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse, I moved on to short stories. I read several books on writing and grammar and then took two courses at Harvard for screenwriting and creative writing. I thought that I wanted to be a writer of some sort. I also participated in National Novel Writing month twice (I didn’t finish the second time) and wrote a 50,000 and 25,000 word novel. 50,000 words is about 200 book pages. Lol, it was a horrible novel, but I wrote it. I actually thought that I was going to be some type of writer up until the second semester of college. Then I took another creative writing class in my first semester, and I absolutely hated it (mainly because of the teacher). However, it made me realize my heart is not really in that goal at the moment. I’m not invested in becoming a published author. I have a fascination with movies, and thought I might try becoming a screenwriter, but I don’t think I’m invested in that goal either.

I then took a university writing course in my second semester of college and realized how much I loved self-reflection/introspective type writing. This is the main reason that I decided to re-vamp my blog.

It’s in the second semester of college that my dream of becoming a psychologist died. After doing serious research, I realized I don’t want to commit myself to that career for such a low salary. Money does matter to me and I can fulfill the psychologist inside of me in other ways. I’m still researching Industrial Organizational psychology and am taking a course in that next year. I like the idea of studying the motivations behind people and figuring out what makes them tick. That’s why I like Anthony Robbins because that’s what he does as a job. I also love cognitive neuroscience and how the physical brain shapes the mind.

Around this time, I decided I wanted to either become a doctor or a nurse practitioner/nurse anesthesiologist. They make a lot of money, they help people, and they have challenges every day. I like the idea of being your own boss and solving problems that matter. I did a lot of research, went to a BA to BSN degree conference, and took ethics for health professionals.

At this point, I decided I needed to get an internship somewhere. That’s why I decided to go to George Washington University. Because it’s located in the city, there are so many internship opportunities.

Now, as you can see, I’ve had a lot of ideas floating around my head up until this point. FBI agent, nurse, doctor, psychologist, writer, computer programmer, etc. Well, no more than the average college student haha, but you get the picture. The problem was, each one of these careers is in a majorly different career tract and each demands an adequate amount of preparation and schooling. When I decided to get an internship, I had a very difficult time deciding where to look. It was like my brain froze and I was afraid to commit myself anywhere. People who talked to me around that time definitely know the career craze I went through. I took at least ten career personality tests and literally could not stop thinking about career and my future. For the record, I’m an INTJ.

I went through a mini-meltdown over break. Remarkably, my parents helped clear my head. My mom pointed out that she didn’t really think I wanted to be a doctor. She said if I did, I would be volunteering in the hospital (which I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do). She said she thought I liked the money, responsibility, possibility of global work, and authority that came with being a doctor, but not the career itself. She was right. I knew it instantly, because I didn’t feel this urge to fight her inside of me. You only fight for things you really want.

So, I gave up being a doctor. I think I could be one, but it’s not the job for me. I started looking at the careers more for my personality type.

Scientists – Hell no

Engineers – Already thought about it

Professors and Teachers –Wouldn’t be able to stand not being listened to

Medical Doctors / Dentists – Just decided no

Corporate Strategists and Organization Builders – Maybe, but I know nothing about business

Business Administrators / Managers – Maybe? I’m not a talker though…

Military Leaders – Would love to be one, but no experience.

Lawyers / Attorneys – Can’t stand the hours

Judges – Like the authority, but don’t care about law enough

Computer Programmers, Systems Analysts and Computer Specialists – Already decided no

Kind of funny that some of those are the ones I was thinking about earlier in life. It’s at this point that I decide to visit my Criminal Justice teacher. I don’t want to be a cop. I don’t want to be a parole or probation officer. I don’t want to work for prison reform. The only thing I would want to do with a criminal justice degree is work in national security or be an FBI agent. I already wrote a post on the talk I had with her, so I won’t go into detail, but she very much changed my perspective and challenged my ideas. I realized that I need to decide what I want most and go for it and that if I fail, my interests will lead me somewhere else, but that fortune favors the bold and guilt for not doing something is much worse than anger for not having failed.

This brings us to the current date. Since having told my parents I want to pursue the FBI agent dream, fortune has definitely favored me. My dad hooked me up with three people. Two from the CIA and one that works very closely with the FBI. I haven’t met them/called them yet (emailed), but I will. Slowly, the dream is becoming a reality. I now know that I will most definitely apply for the FBI internship program.

Once you commit to something, everything becomes much easier. It doesn’t even have to be something that you are sure you want to do. Commit, if it doesn’t work out, your interests will take you somewhere else. It’s hard to commit when all these careers take so much preparation, but it’s something you have to do.

I recently read a book on investing (which I will be writing a post on). As we speak, I’m in Barnes and Nobel picking out more books on the subject and on business. I realized that I am interested in investing/business and will be a part of that when I’m older. Owning a business puts you in control. Same with investing. I love that power and control. I also love money. I want to be rich so I can frequently travel the world and write and think. Be an FBI agent and work in business? No idea, but I’m just going to follow my interests and see where they take me. I have this process down of becoming very interested in something, reading a shit load of books on the subject, and realizing I want to be a part of that world or that I don’t. I’ve grown to trust myself and I’m going to let myself pursue this new investing craze. I guess everyone goes through seasons and phases. No matter what season you go through though, if you throw yourself into the process 100%, you come out a much more interesting person who has more knowledge about the world and yourself.

I’ve learned to stop trying to forecast the future and learned to do my best to put faith in myself. This year, I have outlined running goals, and as I have completed them, I’ve gained more confidence in myself. I can trust myself to talk and follow through with action. I’ve always had that problem of not always following through. Now I know I can and it’s exciting!!!!!

I’m slowly acting as an archeologist and unearthing the person I will become. Granted, I’ll always keep growing, but I’m discovering the foundation. By the way, I don’t write these posts solely to catalogue my amazingness. I write the blog posts I want to read, meaning, when I was searching/still am searching, I kept asking people (parents, relatives) to tell me their stories of how they went from not knowing what they wanted to do, to knowing. I hope that in some way, my zigzag path will help someone else figure out theirs. It will probably help me in the future when I’m all confused again. I urge people to put their own stories/paths on paper! If you do, link me :D.

Again, no matter what season of your live you are in, or what part of the process of self-discovery, invest yourself 100% in the moment, even if you wish you were farther along in the process, because that will result in the most growth.

Mentally, emotionally, and physically commit yourself 100%. It makes life much more exciting.

Love,

TK

Walden Pond Exploration

Well, it’s not really an exploration, because I’ve been there before. On Friday, it was an incredibly hot day here in Massachusetts, so I decided to go swimming at Walden Pond.

I also did some reading.

It was incredibly relaxing. I thought I would share some photos :).

Water looks nice and cool, doesn’t it ;). Hope you liked them!

How to get the best of Verizon

For all of my first year of college, I’ve been paying about 60 dollars a month in phone bills. My parents don’t have a family plan because it’s cheaper for them to pay individually (my dad’s work pays for his phone) and the $60 a month plan is the cheapest individual plan. When I bought my phone (env3), I got the two year contract because without that the phone would have cost near 500 dollars. Little did I realize it would have been much cheaper just to buy the phone and pay $30 a month.

I decided to cancel my service and pay the $200 something termination fee so I could then enroll in pay as you go or go to another company. I was about to do that when my uncle (who works with AT&T I believe…) told me to call customer service and barter for a better plan rate. I didn’t think it would work, because the $60 a month plan is the cheapest individual plan on the website, but I decided to give it a go anyway.

So I called some number on the Verizon website and talked to a representative. I told him how I needed help going about canceling my service and he asked which other network I was going to do business with. I told him I was going to switch over to Metro PCS because they offer a more affordable plan. Immediately, he became a salesperson and “looked on the Metro PCS website” and pulled out things in the user agreement that were, as he put it, “shady.” These things included the line that says Metro PCS does not guarantee the delivery of text messages (who does?), and that there are roaming charges. Also Metro PCS reserves the right to cancel your service if you are using too many unlimited texts while on someone else’s network tower. I fought against my urge to argue back, and simply said, “Well I’m a college student. I love verizon, but I can’t afford to pay my bills.”

The guy then said that there was a special loyalty plan where I would pay 20 dollars a month for 50 minutes, 500 night and weekend, and 10 dollars for 500 (or was it 1,000?) text messages. I also have an insurance on my phone so it came out to be 37 dollars a month and Metro PCS charges 40 a month. Granted, I don’t get unlimited calls and texts, but I don’t use that many minutes and Verizon has better coverage. Well, that’s about half of what I’m paying now, so I took the deal.

Lesson learned? Calling is much more powerful than an email and negotiation actually works. I do have to watch my minute usage, but even if I go over, it’s less than what I’m paying now. I was going to use pay as you go anyway on Verizon (which would come out to be about the same price for me), but I got around paying the termination fee.

Happy Haggling,

-TK

College Experience- Running on The Mall at Night

I thought I was going to start off this series at the beginning and talk about why I decided to go to George Washington University. Eventually, I will write a post on that, but I decided to start with an experience that means the most to me. Running on the mall at night.

For the last two weeks of college, I dedicated every other day to running the entire length of the mall. I used to have this pre-defined 3 mile loop that I discovered on this website, but I decided at the end, why not give it my all and run the entire length. As my friend said, “Make your last runs count.”

Basically my root was:

• Run down from my dorm to Constitution Ave near the duck pond
• Run past the ellipse in front of the White House and turn right at the National Museum of Natural History
• Run down the length of the Mall to the Capital
• Sit there for like ten minutes looking at the Capital/looking out over the little reflecting pond at the stars
• Run back the way I came towards the Washington Monument
• Lay across one of the Washington Monument benches for about ten minutes and look at the stars and the glow of the monument
• Run to the World War II memorial, passing the Jefferson Memorial. Walk around to the reflecting pool.
• Run down the length of the reflecting pool to the Lincoln Memorial. Sit at the Lincoln for about thirty minutes thinking, looking at the stars and the approaching dawn, reading the different quotes and checking out the man with the beard. Then I’d walk along the Vietnam Memorial and then run back to my dorm.
• I would usually get back around 2 or 2:30 in the morning.

There’s some kind of peace that the night brings about that the day never could for me. I like my alone time and running when there are at most one or two people there on the mall with you is very relaxing and empowering. I think one of my best memories from college was staring in the face of the Capital lit against the stars, like it was daring me to run harder. All the different monuments would help me shift my focus from the temporary pain I was in onto the beauty and wonder of it all. It was a very strong motivator. I never realized I would be able to see the stars in D.C. They were quite magnificent. I would sit in front of the Capital and watch the ducks float on the surface of the water. It looked like oil more than water. And then they would begin to turn in and burry their faces in their own feathery mass and I knew it was time for me to get back to my run.

If anyone visits D.C. you should be sure to visit the monuments at night. They are spectacular. The Washington Monument literally looks like it’s glowing. It’s like something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I was sure to hug it on my last run, just so I could say I did it.

The World War II memorial is pretty awesome as well, but that’s only lit up until a certain time at night (at least I think), so I didn’t spend too much time there. If you can remember (I don’t remember actually if I blogged about this), but one of the reasons I started running in high school was because after I watched Bourne Supremacy, I realized how out of shape I was, and I knew that some day I might want to apply to the FBI, so I decided to get in shape.

I played this song whenever I would run a long stretch like the reflection pool.

It reminded me of the scene in that movie when Bourne would run on the Beach in Goa, India. If I ever go to India, I definitely want to run on that beach. It’s on my bucket list.

The last leg of my journey was the Lincoln. Every time I stopped at one of the memorials, I would say to myself, “Yea, I like this one most.” It was the same with the Lincoln. I’m surprised they keep it available to the public all night. It would be two in the morning and people would be there taking pictures. I’d sit on the steps next to the bearded man and think about stuff and then read the Gettysburg address and his inaugural speech. I think it’s the energy that the monuments give off that make the experience so empowering. It very much feels like there are no limitations and that you are only bounded by the man you want to become and what your mind can think up.

I wanted to include some thoughts that I had while running/sitting on the Lincoln. So here they are. Keep in mind when I say “you” or “one” I am referring to myself. I don’t know if these are true for other people.

1. The meaning of life is growth. When you stop growing, you begin to die spiritually and physically. By die I mean decay. Without growth, one cannot be happy. You have to be continually making progress, or else deep down, you will not be happy with yourself.
2. The less you are growing, the faster you age.
3. I realize that I feel like a boy when I look at Mr. Lincoln. There’s such a sharp distinction between a boy and a man, but I have no idea how I get from one to the other. Is it when you become financially independent? When your parents die? When you have kids? When do you become an adult or do you realize “I’m an adult.”
4. I think the reason why it’s hard to determine specific goals is because what I’m after is a feeling, or an emotional or mental state, and I don’t know how to get there. A few years ago, I thought going to China and seeing the great wall and taking a deep breath as I scan over all of the incredible mountains would give me the greatest feeling of relief and transmit instant wisdom and enlightenment. When I went to China, I was in a very different emotional and psychological state than I was a few years ago, and the experience didn’t give me that inner peace I wanted. I realized then that it’s not an object or an event that I want. It’s a feeling. The million-dollar question is, how do I go about attaining it? It’s the human body’s law that feelings cannot be forced. You can’t make yourself have a deep-rooted feeling of enlightenment, peace, or fulfillment. Your mind will only let you feel that way if you complete something. Kind of interesting how our mind limits us like that, isn’t it?
5. Only by having control over your body can you accomplish what you want. Self-control is the root of all goals. You have to throw yourself against the wall each day as hard as you can until you can’t stand, and then the next day, do the exact same thing, only harder. That’s how you get from A to B, from a soft body to a hard one. Your mind has to drag your body through the mud each day for a higher purpose than it can understand.
6. #5 Made me think of that scene in the movie Gattaca, where the main character says, “You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back.” Good movie. Here’s the clip. It’s eight minutes long, but if you haven’t seen the movie, watch it.
7. Like Tony Robbins says, your focus determines your reality. What you focus on will determine if you will take another step, be hesitant, or stop all together.
8. The night is a world in itself when society, along with rules and laws, go to sleep. It’s so much easier to think without all that cluttering your brain.
9. How is it that such a great man could exist, and if something happened where we lost our records, no one would know about him? I’m sure many great men have existed whose names have been lost to time.
10. If I’m the one of two people out here running and love it, does it mean there’s something wrong with me? Seriously? Does it mean I’m alone? I know I’m certainly not unique for it. Everyone thinks. I feel like I was programmed wrong. Aren’t we supposed to be group/social creatures?
11. What really matters here? I think it’s what people do, because that’s what gets you a monument. (I was listening to Michael Jackson at the time and thinking about how all that energy is transmitted from so far away via headphones). I guess I should start doing more.

Those are some thoughts that I had while running at night. I will probably have a sequel to this running at night post, because I had many more thoughts, but I don’t want to clutter this post. After I got back to the dorm (…and discovered my roommate was having sex [scarring of the mind] because he thought I was either sleeping with someone or at the library…), I watched this video and remarkably, Robbins has some of the same ideas I did. It made me smile.

P.S. This post makes me think of my other one… Why I don’t Run my Hardest

Love,

TK

Props

1. I’ve been going to the gym for about a year now, and I’m always surprised at how hard it is to find free and accurate information about weight lifting and muscle gaining. I was so glad when I came across this website the other day: http://scoobysworkshop.com/.

Basically, this massive guy, who gives advice on nutrition and exercise on youtube, decided to create his own website. It’s quite possibly one of the best sources I’ve ever come across. I think that’s because there are no hidden motives. He isn’t out to make money. He’s out to spread the truth. I rate it 10/10. If you want to change your physique, I would definitely check it out.

2. I was surfing wordpress yesterday and came across this blog post: http://seesuestitch.wordpress.com/2010/05/16/summer-love/

The whole “summer love” idea made me think about relationships I’ve had and where I am now. The monkey was pretty random, but pretty awesome.

3. Another blog post I came across was http://misspinkslip.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/miss-pink-slip’s-out-of-work-oscars/.

It’s actually a pretty cool blog. I think my blog serves a similar purpose. It’s like a motivator when I’m down and a way to channel my thoughts when I’m confused. It’s something for me to DO when I have nothing worthwhile to do. Also, the movies listed on that post are some of my favorites.

4. Now, before you refuse to click on this one, hear me out. I don’t really like self-help books because I think they’re just like the ab cruncher on t.v. They’re a product for a desperate audience that wants results fast with little work. I see Tony Robbins as more of a wise life coach. I’ve been watching/listening to him for a while and I think he has very worthwhile, logical, and empowering ideas. Check it out.

5. Lastly, this song is awesome, especially when you’re running or working out and the blood is rushing through your veins.

Review of A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick

If you happen to buy this book… I recommend you smell it. It smells really good. Seriously.

I picked this up on a whim. I was shopping around Barnes and Noble, scoping out new titles, and saw the Victorian woman on the front cover and figured it was another trashy romance novel by an author that was trying to be Emily Brontë. I guess the summary on the back cover did its job though, because after I read it, I wanted to buy it. It read,

“He placed a notice in a Chicago paper, an advertisement for a ‘reliable wife.’ She responded, saying that she was ‘a simple, honest woman.’ She was, of course, anything but honest, and the only simple thing about her was her single-minded determination to marry this man and then kill him, slowly and carefully, leaving herself a wealthy widow. What Catherine Land did not realize was that the enigmatic and lonely Ralph Truitt had a plan of his own.”

I do love secrecy and mystery and all that good stuff, but after finishing this book, the only word I could think of to describe it was “meh.” Before I give away some spoilers, I want to list some quotes that I thought were pretty awesome.

“The trick, Ralph knew, is not to give in. Not to hunch your shoulders in the cold or stamp your feet or blow warm breath into cold palms. The trick is to relax into the cold, accept that it had come and would stay a long time. To lean into it, as you might lean into a warm spring wind. The trick was to become part of it, so that you didn’t end a backbreaking day in the cold with rigid, aching shoulders and red hands”(Goolrick 5).

“She had spent her years believing that they would come, in time. She believed that an angel would come down from heaven and bless her with riches as she had been blessed with beauty. She believed in the miraculous. Or she had, until she reached an age when, all of a sudden, she realized that the life she was living was, in fact, her life. The clay of her being, so long infinitely malleable, had been formed, hardened into what now seemed a palpable, unchanging object, a shell she inhabited. It shocked her then. It shocked her now, like a slap in the face” (Goolrick 17).

“She wondered what it could possibly have been that led her forward, day after day, what events could possibly have happened to fill the hours between sleep and sleep” (Goolrick 20).

“She had read in her life perhaps thousands of advertisements just like it…They asked and probably found someone as lonely and desperate as themselves. How could they expect more?” (Goolrick 21).

“The sun set every day. It could not be that it would set in splendor only once in her lifetime” (Goolrick 22).

“She thought of her garden. She thought of her life, her patchwork quilt of a life, pieced together from castoff scraps of this and that; experience, knowledge, clairvoyance. None of it made any sense to her” (Goolrick 146).

“The life he had was the life he had made, no more, no less…” (Goolrick 210).

“Love was simply the same steady heartbeat hour after hour. It bored him with its lack of event” (Goolrick 252).

“’Everything in the light and air ought to be happy,’ the poet had said. ‘Whoever is not in his coffin and the dark grave let him know he has enough’” (Goolrick 283).

“In the way the heart attracts and repels the things it wants and fears” (Goolrick 284).

The reason I say the book was “meh” is because the mystery and secrets that the back cover depicted weren’t all that thrilling. I figured that Catherine, the woman who replied to the ad, would try to manipulate Ralph, but that she would fall into his trap and become a pawn of some sort. That wasn’t exactly how it turned out. Basically, Catherine is the floater, Ralph is the lonely, worn-out old guy, and Ralph’s son is one seeking to avenge his mother and destroy his father. Catherine happens to be everyone’s pawn, which makes perfect sense because she lives passively, moving from man to man, not knowing who she is or what she really wants. In parts, this book is very interesting, but as a whole it doesn’t shine.

It made me think a lot about when a boy or young adult becomes a man. I’m 18, soon to be 19, but I don’t feel like an adult yet. The book talks a lot about the visceral desires of men and women, including sex, violence, hatred, and loneliness. I think for me, one of the greatest crimes is cheating, or infidelity, or betrayal of trust. This happens a lot in the book, so it was interesting to see how the characters dealt with that. It also talks about the phases that every man goes through. When they’re young they want to go out and explore and have a lot of sex and ignore their family and responsibilities. It’s interesting how as you become older as a man, you recognize your own past desires in your children and therefore can understand them better. It made me appreciate the act of living over an extend period of time.

“Living takes time” (Goolrick 291).

I feel like so many people (myself included) want everything now. The job, the girl, the money, the happiness. It takes time to find your place and get where you want to be. Rarely are you born where you want to be. You have to fight to get there. I think this book also has a strong base in the idea of how the life we want to live is often times in our heads or in our daydreams, instead of the life we are in fact living. Finally, I wonder why it is that people want to leave something on the earth when they pass, be it children, statues, or a garden.   There’s one point where Catherine wants to make a garden and she says, “It would last long after she died” (Goolrick 289). Why is it a biological and psychological need for people to leave a portion of themselves behind in the living world when they must depart it? Why do people and animals fight so hard to be alive? I don’t know, but I think it’s fascinating.

This book also talks about how people change as they get older and how they are not the same people that they were two or three years ago. Some people may have a total shift in values and may become physiologically be different. I think that when we stop growing (intellectually, physically, spiritually), we begin to die.

There are three other things I want to mention. Catherine had a younger sister, and basically when they were growing up Catherine turned to prostitution to get the family money. Her younger sister then did the same, but she was very different from Catherine. She didn’t have the same drive to improve her situation and ended up dying poor and alone. What was interesting was that in the book, Catherine meets with her sister right before she dies, and she tries to get her to come back to the Truitt house, because the maids would take care of her, but the sister won’t and says that she’s right where she belongs. I think that people become so entrenched in their situation that they end up finding comfort in the familiar, even if the familiar is a horrible lifestyle, and lose the drive to better their life.

It is very interesting that things that happen in our past shape who we are. They shape what we don’t like, what we are afraid of, and what we want. Catherine’s poverty made her do anything to get riches. Ralph’s mother, who constantly told him it was wrong to think sexual thoughts, made him only be able to think about sex and feel guilty for it. Ralphs’ neglect to his son made his son vengeful. Because Catherine staid at high-end hotels while working as a prostitute, she learned the upper class etiquette for eating with many different forks, so when she tried to pretend to be a simple woman at dinner with Ralph, she gave her cover away. A poor woman wouldn’t know how to eat with all of the different utensils.

For Catherine, she finally realized it’s not the rich things like nice clothes, jewelry, and fancy coaches that she actually wanted. It was the security that those items conveyed. I think that for most products, people don’t actually want them, they want the experience or the mindset that comes from possessing the object. The problem is, buying an expensive watch gives you the watch, and conveys the message to other people that you’re rich, but doesn’t make you rich. There’s this one quote, and I forget who said it, but,

“A diamond ring on her finger, and not a stitch of clothes on her back.”

I think that so many people and all of these characters are floating through their lives and living how they want in their heads and in their imagination instead of in the real world (again, me included). The only way to really be alive is to take control of your life, make it what you want, and push anyone out of the way who tries to stop you.

Overall, I’m glad I read it, and I think Mr. Goolrick is an excellent writer, but I’m not sure I would read it again. Ciao.

-TK

Reviews from other wordpress people:

Brichtabooks.wordpress.com

Planoreads.wordpress.com

Works Cited

Goolrick, Robert. A Reliable Wife. New York: Workman Publishing, 2009. Print.