I recently read the book Sex at Dawn by Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan.
Mind. blown.
It was such an incredible and well-researched book. It also paired well with the other book that I read recently, Mating in Captivity.
There is not enough discussion about sexuality in our culture, leading to confusion and heartbreak. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to read this book.
In addition, when sexuality is brought up, there that certain “Je ne sais quoi” where men and women don’t try to fully understand the subject. They just say that it’s “mysterious,” “magic” or “unknowable.”
If you know anything about my personality, then you’ll know I hate that kind of stuff. I want to know exactly why certain things happen in the world, and why they don’t.
For those out there that also want a clearer sense of why we desire certain things, and how concepts like monogamy came to be, then this book is a game changer.
I recommend picking up a copy!
My Notes
And how many of the couples who manage to stay together for the long haul have done so by resigning themselves to sacrificing their eroticism on the alter of three of life’s irreplaceable joys: family stability, companionship, and emotional, if not sexual, intimacy.
The conflict between what we’re told we feel and what we really feel may be the richest source of confusion, dissatisfaction, and unnecessary suffering of our time.
Because private property, for the first time in the history of our species, paternity became a crucial concern.
Men and women have supposedly conflicting reproductive agendas.
The central premise of sexual selection is that in most mammals, the female has a much higher investment in offspring than does the male.
Evolutionary psychology is founded on the belief that male and female approaches to mating have intrinsically conflicting agendas.
Sexually, men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur. – Seinfeld.
Conventional theory: marry rich, predictable, sincere guy to provide, ad cheat on sexy, dangerous wild dude when she’s ovulating.
Men’s jealousy evolved to control her sexual behavior while her jealousy evolved to control his emotional behavior.
Monogamy is not found in any social, group-living primate except – if the standard narrative is to be believed – us.
With women (common with bonobos) their ovulation is hidden from immediate detection and they have sex throughout their cycle.
Chimps resolve sexual issues with power. Bonobo resolve power issues with sex.
Females of both species engage in multiple mating sessions in quick successions with different males (6-8 per day if ovulating).
Bonobos stare deeply into each others eyes. Walk arm in arm. Kiss each other’s hands and feet. Embrace with french kiss.
Plenty of animals can see further, smell better, dive deeper, fight better, and hear tonal subtleties. So what do we bring to the party?
Sex for pleasure is more human than animal. Strictly reproductive, one-in-a-blue-moon se is more animal than human.
Rock and roll means to have sex.
The number of monogamous primate species that live in large social groups is precisely zero.
Sexual receptivity of bonobos reduces male conflict.
Overlapping sexual relationships and general parental figures is natural?
Cacilda Jetha conducted a World Health Organization study of sexual behavior among villagers in rural Mozambique in 1990. She found that the 140 men in her study group were involved with 87 women as wives, 252 other women as long-term sexual partners, and 226 ongoing sexual relationships per man, not counting the unreported casual encounters many of these men likely experiences as well.
Erotic exchange played an important role in linking families from distant villages in a durable web of certain aid in times of crisis.
Mosuo tribe
Warao tribe
“Marriage,” “mating,” and “love” are socially constructed phenomena that have little or no transferable meaning outside any given culture.
Men are moreso worried about paternity (hence sexual fidelity). Women are universally concerned with access to a man’s resources (so more threatened by emotional intimacy).
Jealousy is an expression of fear.
Female vocalization incite males in group to provoke sperm competition. Linked to reproductive period and status of the male inspiring the vocalizations. Calls that were longer and more distinct sonic units were during mating with higher ranked males.
Vocalization is highly linked with promiscuous mating.
Vocalization also encourages climax.
Women dress more fetchingly when they are fertile.
Women mate fifty times per day as apes
Human female sexual behavior is more malleable then male.
Women have a disconnect between their brain’s conscious experience and what they actually feel in their body.
61 percent of women said their primary motivation for sex was emotional (under 35). 38 percent claimed their emotional motivations were stronger physical hunger (over 35).
New love makes you feel alive and stronger.
When couple have been together for years, they are like family. Brother and sister. Friends. Men then get turned off. Monogamy itself seems to drain away a man’s testosterone. Without testosterone, you have no desire. Hormonal response to novelty.
The Thought Hole 