Thoughts While Driving Home

Dialogue….

SCENE 1:

TK (ID): You should stop for coffee

TK (SUPER EGO): It wouldn’t be nice to dig into the center console and use your parent’s hard earned money for coffee when they expect it to be there for tolls.

TK (EGO): Okay, we’ll stop for coffee, but only because it’s $1. If you were to go to dunkin donuts, I’d say no, but since you spent only a dollar yesterday on coffee, it’s okay to spend another dollar today. It would be like if you got a regular coffee at dunkin donuts yesterday ($2).

TK (ID): WOOT!

TK (SUPER EGO): GRRRRR

SCENE 2:

TK (ID): I hate charities, soup kitchens, and poor people. They keep asking for money and won’t stop.

TK (SUPER EGO): That’s not very nice to say. Poor people are poor because they have less opportunities than you. Charities are nice people working hard to try to change lives. Don’t be hatin on them. Also, soup kitchens stop people from starving! IDIOT!

TK (EGO): You’re both right. Poor people stay poor, soup kitchens keep feeding the hungry, who come back the next day and the next day, and charities keep asking for money. Maybe you should both do something about it!!!!!

…… Maybe…… we should create a charity that takes 75 percent of the donations and invests them in stocks, real estate, and buys businesses. Or, hire a professional money manager to invest that portion of the donations so that the charity could be self-sufficient and be able to stop asking for  money!

I wonder if that’s legal? Or if someone’s already done it? Think about it! Use the $100,000 generated by donations to buy a pizza business, or a sandwich shop, which continually generates money. That way, you don’t have to keep asking!!!!!

TK (ID): Let’s do that!

TK (SUPER EGO): If that works, then someone would have probably already have done it.

SCENE 3:

TK (ID): I want a cliff bar

TK (SUPER EGO): You can’t have one. We’re trying to lose weight.

TK (ID): In that case, I want an ice cream.

TK (SUPER EGO): I said we’re trying to lose weight!

TK (ID): ……………………………………i’ll settle for a meatball sandwich.

TK (SUPER EGO): GRRR!!!!!!!

TK (EGO): Shut up guys. Don’t you think it’s kind of sad that we won’t remember this moment. I mean right now, driving home from work, what we’re thinking. In five, ten years, we won’t be able to recall this moment. At least not off the top of our heads. It will be lost, like all those other moments from before we were five years old. It’s so sad to think that what’s a reality to us now is nothing but a blank space in our minds way down the road…really makes you want to seize the day, doesn’t it?

TK (ID):……….

TK (SUPER EGO): ………..

TK (ID): I WANT ANOTHER COFFEE!!!!!

TK (SUPER EGO): OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!

TK (EGO): *le sigh*

I think I should make a cartoon and have ID, EGO, and SUPER-EGO be characters. Maybe someone’s already done that though. IDK.

I recently realized that Robert Kiyosaki’s new book is available free online!!!!!! :-D :-D.

I’m very proud of myself. I’ve been reading the washington post, the new york times, and the wall street journal for all of this week. I’m seekin to become a learned TK.

Oh, I wanted to leave this thought on my blog. I’ve talked about this with one of my friends, but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it here….

I think one’s purpose (well out of many purposes maybe) in life is to find your place in your generation. Every 50-100 years, a new generation of human beings is born that will one day replace the old generation. Jobs, lifestyles, wisdom, stories, and perspectives are exchanged as the old generation descends and the new generations ascends.

I realized the other day that there will come a time when my generation occupies all of the jobs that my parent’s generation once had. This gives me hope because it means that it is very realistic for me to find my own niche, be it in the fbi, business, or traveling the world.

It makes me think of musical chairs and how there will be a point when the music stops playing and you have to sit down or be cast out. Granted, the analogy isn’t exact, but I feel like as seats open up, people in my generation will have to make some big choices about where they want to sit, or if they want to give up their seat for another.

This makes me think of V for Vendette, in the end, when he says

“Because this world, the world that I’m a part of and that I helped shape, will end tonight. And tomorrow, a different world will begin that different people will help shape, and this choice belongs to them.”

This year, I have never been so aware that it is totally up to me to decide what role I want to play in society and what type of life I am going to lead. Why the hell can’t I be rich? Why the hell can’t I travel the world? Why the hell can’t I do anything I want. Everyone’s like “the chances of you being rich are slim to none… the chances of you doing this, bla bla bla.” At some point, all the rich people are going to be dead and the people who studied up are gonna take their place. This makes me think of Harry potter …. when he talks about how

“Working hard is important, but there’s something that matters even more. Believing in yourself. Think of it this way: Every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than we are now. Students. If they can do it, why not us?”

…And each generation replaces itself with its children….

Kind of interesting that the only way to escape death is to reproduce. I wonder why it is the purpose of life to keep living by passing on genes? If I was Alexander the great, I wouldn’t look for a fountain of youth that would keep me immortal, I would reproduce with like thousands of women so that my genes would conquer the earth. Random thought lol.

Just some thoughts. That’s what I do…. think…. sometimes absurdly………..

I guess…… I just feel that growing up, I’ve felt this pressure that there are certain things that are out of your reach. When you say something like you want to be rich or you don’t want to have to work for a company or you want to travel the world. Parents seem to dismiss you and be like “yea that would be nice.”

Who knows, this could all be a load of bullshit, and when I’m 40, I could be saying the same thing to my child because I realize that traveling the world isn’t “realistic” or something like that.

I remember when I was 12ish I wanted my dad to buy a bowflex because I wanted to look like the guy in the commercial and he was like “It’s just a marketing ploy. You can’t get like that with a bowflex.”

Now, I’m exercising every day and working out, and granted, I don’t look like a boxflex model lmao, but I am in much better shape than a year or two ago.

In the long term run, my parents of course do encourage me, but it’s the little nit picky short term things you always remember.

I donno man. I’m not saying I’m gonna be the one to get rich, but I am saying that just like there is a Andrew Carnegie, a Bill Gates, a Warren Buffet, and a (fill in the blank with someone who’s well known because they are good at what they do or are rich), there will be the same amount of those figures in the future and they are being born as I type. And I don’t think it’s about destiny either. It’s about taking control of your life.

NO MORE THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

-TK

Cole, Entrepreneurship, and the video I said I’d make.

Here’s an awesome washington post article that makes me want to be an entrepreneur.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/13/AR2010061304398.html

Here’s a video of the dog I’m watching.

I videotaped us playing with this ball and cole was being hilarious, but then I realized I had to hit this other button in addition to the play button on my laptop, and it didn’t record. So this is just a short one.

And here’s a video of me talking about stuff. It’s kind of long, so I don’t blame you if you don’t watch it. Just felt like making one.

GRAWR
TK

Screaming into the pillow

Scream… scream….scream…scream…………..

JSLKDFKLJSDKLFJSDLKFJFKLDSJL!

Everyone stay calM! Here are some relaxing pictures! STAY CALM!

CALM  YET????????

Omg. okay. so. deep breath. OKAY!

So I read this financial magazine the other day from Charles Schwab and learned the following things…

On Investing

• When bank cash reserves fall below a point, you need to take a short term loan from another bank. Interest rate is based on the fed. res. funds rate. Therefore, average joe taking out a loan is then affected by the fed res. fund rate (more bank has to pay in interest, more customer pays in interest on loans). To stimulate growth, the federal reserve needs to lower the rate. To slow growth and fight inflation, raise the rate.
• EFT = exchange-traded funds
• ADR = american depository receipt (invest in foreign stock)
• Schwab moneywise.com
• Mutual funds in emerging market = more growth but more volatility (foreign). 5-25% of portfolio should be in international stock

Ugh. stocks are confusing. I like the idea of real estate more.

I talked on the phone with a prior special agent. I was so nervous. I’m usually really good at talking on the phone, but this time I was tongue tied and it was like when you talk to the beautiful girl in school… you don’t think right.

I had to keep convincing myself that the worst that could happen is my situation is no different than had I not called.

Well, he was very nice. I got some good tips. I have to rethink my strategy. *screams into pillow* Why is it that nothing is ever certain? I know that’s a good thing, but it’s so frustrating.

HAPPY MONDAY

-TK >.<

Pools are disgusting…

Dear future TK,

I forgot to upload this picture earlier… here it is.

It was taken as I was pulling out of my driveway.

My god….. pools are the most disgusting things on earth.

Keeping with my usual pattern, I set my towel and key down on an empty chair. I made my way over to the edge of the pool, sat down, letting my legs dangle in the water, and stretched those familiar orange googles over my eyes.

Then….. a hair…. not just one… multiple!!!!! I gagged…….. thought bout it for a second… and then plunged into the disgusting water and began swimming laps.

Lolz. Yes. Hair, old people skin, sweat, and i’m sure many other substances that I don’t want to think about, but I needed to burn calories.

I think I’m improving with my swimming. I find myself being able to swim longer without having to gasp for air and stop. Also, when I put my head under the water, I no longer hear this very loud and deep thumping that quite frankly used to scare me. I never realized my heart was working so hard.

I’m now up to swimming a mile in the pool. It’s not that much harder than swimming a half-mile. It just takes more time. It usually takes me an hour.

Last sunday my parents went out for father’s day to this concert and I was pretty down on myself, feeling like I wasn’t making any progress with my body, so I went to Kimball’s and ordered myself a huge ice cream brownie sunday and consumed the entire thing while watching Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace. I’m guessing that’s about 1,500 calories. Probably more. I know the chocolate chip paradise pie at Chilies is 1,500 calories and it was about as big as that.

Well, after I spent some time feeling sorry for myself, I went to bed.

Woke up the next day. Was angry with myself and decided to work off all of that sunday’s sunday. Swam a half mile. I still felt disgusting and guilty and mad at myself, so I ran four miles. Figure that I burned about 700 calories that day. I felt pleased afterwards and was able to not feel guilty any more.

Tuesday, did a mile swim and worked out legs/back. Today did another mile swim… don’t know if i’m going to go to the gym tonight or run or relax.

I think I realized that I need to do far more cardio than I already am if I’m going to have abs by the end of the summer. I do my best to do cardio four to five times a week (sometimes substituting a half mile swim for the run), but that’s simply not enough. It would be a great birthday present to myself if I could have abs by august 7th. I’m not sure if I’m going to shoot for that goal.

Anyway, I don’t know about next week, but this week, I’m going to be doing cardio every day, either in the form of a mile swim, a four mile run, or both. I feel like my fitness commitment is a sine curve. lol, I’m very good about relapsing one day and then going at it twice as strong the next week because I’m angry with myself. I don’t know if that’s good or not, but that tends to happen.

OH!!! and on another note.

I completely and utterly despise manual labor (as i’m sure most people do, with a few exceptions *cough* shaye *cough*). I have to paint my grandmother’s room and I HATE ITTTTTT GAHHH!!!!!!!!!

Even more reason to work at learnin me investin principalz. I love exercise, but manual labor is so tedious and makes your body stiff…. bleh.

On that negative note, I will end.

…..

…..

…

..

.

– TK

Review of Hannibal by Thomas Harris

The first three hours of night were almost spent

The time that every star shines down on us

When Love appeared to me so suddenly

That I still shudder at the memory.

Joyous Love seemed to me, the while he held

My heart within his hands, and in his arms

My lady lay asleep wrapped in a veil.

He woke her then and trembling and obedient

She ate that burning heart out of his hand;

Weeping I saw him then depart to me. (139) Dante’s first sonnet.

Dear Mr. Harris,

Though your creature, the macabre Hannibal Lecter, is a fantastic creation that mirrors the primal lust for power and violence within each of us, your ending to the great story, that had me on edge every step of the way, quite frankly SUCKED.

Burn the book! …. no that’s a bit too drastic…. WRITE AN ANGRY BLOG POST… much more to my liking.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? …. what gives man? Okay, okay. Listen…. if you want to experience Mr. Lecter, I would advice watching the movie before you read the book. Yes… opposite of what most people suggest. The movie ending is far better than the book ending could ever hope to be.

Now, for those of you who are unacquainted with the doctor and Ms. Starling, this is the third book of the series.

The book series is:

• Red Dragon (1981)
• The Silence of the Lambs (1988)
• Hannibal (1999)
• Hannibal Rising (2006)

My source? Wikipedia. Hellz yea.

The movie series is a bit different:

• Silence of the Lambs
• Hannibal
• Red Dragon
• Hannibal Rising

I’ve seen everyone except the last one. Well, that’s not true, I saw the first five minutes and it sucked….

Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal were the best of the series. The red dragon one was a little weird (even for me :-P). The only reason I watched it was because Dr. Lecter was in it.

I have not yet read Silence of the Lambs.

Hokay soz, going along with my normal routine, here are the magnificiently brilliant quotes that I picked out and scribbled in my notebook like a diligent, reformed, sophisticated, bulldog.  … … really tk? really? … meep

I think it’s easy to mistake understanding for empathy–we want empathy so badly. Maybe learning to make that distinction is part of growing up. It’s hard and ugly to know somebody can understand you without even liking you. when you see understanding just used as a predator’s tool, that’s the worst (55).

She called to the man who had circled in the world and come back to the hell he knew (93)

This quote above refers to a man who was committed to the insane asylum and then set free. After several years of wandering from homeless shelter to homeless shelter, he returned to the old ruined building and set up camp there. Clarice Starling found him in his old cell and wondered why on earth he would return to the place where he was confined and dehumanized. It makes me think of the book A Reliable Wife, where the main character’s sister refuses to accept help because she knows the streets better than the good life. People tend to remain where they are most comfortable, refusing to push past their comfort zone and enter the unknown. Myself included of course.

My previous post on A Reliable Wife: here

No. Dr. Lecter has no interest in hypothesis. He doesn’t believe in syllogism, or synthesis, or anything absolute (101).

I’m not sure why I underlined that quote. Haha. It was near the scene where Barney said that he doesn’t believe psychology is a science and that Dr. Lecter doesn’t either….. Is psychology a science? I think it is… It’s developed from philosophy, just like all science has, from the beginnings with Aristotle onward. Especially when you take into account cognitive neuroscience and the interaction between the brain and the outer world. If science is defined by logical studies, psychology definitely fits the description. What you think?

That’s all I got for quotes. If you want a taste (hah) of Dr. Lecter, I would recommend watching Silence of the Lambs and then Hannible. Anthony Hopkins plays the part brilliantly. The only reason I read the book is because I wanted to dig deeper into the mind of Dr. Lecter to better understand his motivations and persona.

Overall, I would grudgingly give this book a 4/5. I despise the ending, but everything leading up to it is well-written. After reading it, I have the burning desire to visit Florence and many other cities in Italy. I want to sit, watching people go by, and sip tea. Maybe coffee. Read a book. Attempt to sketch some of the buildings. Maybe do some writing. View the art galleries and sculptures. And think about Dr. Lecter, who could be hiding behind any corner, a sophisticated mind ruled by the primal lust for flesh, driven by the desire to consume the ill-mannered and destroy the intellectuals who think they know so much. Dr. Lecter, you are now on my wall of heros, right next to Robert Kiyosaki.

P.S. Was sifting through wordpress blogs and came across this post

I think the author makes a good point. Why is it as a culture that we are so drawn to sophisticated villains like Dr. Lecter and the Joker? That’s a question for another time and another post however :-P.

Pensive TK

I loaded this song onto a cd so that I could play it in my car. Got into the car and it started playing and I felt like crying. It was very very beautiful and filled with emotion. I felt like I was part of the music.

I think I’m far too fascinated with things that aren’t real…. movies, books, characters… it’s very strange that I’m almost moved to tears by a song that reminds me of a movie scene, and yet I don’t feel anything when I see my grandmother’s casket.

At the moment, my life feels magnificently ordinary and I hate it. As I’m driving, I can see kids playing in the street and families out riding bicycles on father’s day. Everyone had their cute houses alined on the cul-de-sac. Ugh…………

What ever happened to becoming an astronaut, or howard hughes (awesome movie with leonardo dicaprio), or the next alexander the great, or anything great???

Ever since I read about investing and committed to my FBI dream, I’ve had this weird feeling of disgust when I think about my parents or other people in Westford. It feels like everyone has sold themselves short and are slaves to their jobs.

Whenever you try to ask your parents about it they give you the old, “When you put food on the table, you can decide how to run things,” or “I’m workin 9 to 5. What are you doing?” “Yea everyone would like to get rich. Nice dream huh?”

Gah…….

I feel like parents will only take you seriously if you are financially independent from them.

I’ve come to the conclusion that with a few exceptions, life on earth is amazingly ordinary, or has become amazingly ordinary.

-TK

Hawt Summah Dayz

Gar! Far too hot…. here in westford… I went to walden yesterday to swim, but I have no such cooling agent for today.

The bulldog on the right is extremely cute

Right now, I’m in a small cafe sipping green tea. I also have my Hannibal book with me and plan to finish it. As of yet, it is a delicious read ;).

I swam across walden pond… that was the first time I did it alone. I’m sure my parents wouldn’t like hearing that. They do not condone such dangerous behavior. From a parental stand point, I agree. But from mine, I don’t. Hehe. It’le be our little secret. I found out that I’m a much better runner than I am a swimmer. I can only take at max ten strokes and then I have to either float or start doing a breast stroke because I’m gasping for air. For me, it’s not the swimming motions that tire me out, it’s the goddamn breathing. I can just never get enough air. I don’t think I’m doing freestyle right. I researched it online, and did the technique they said (basically what I’ve been doing all along), but it didn’t help. Still gasping for air. Is that right? I try to swim at the regency pool and usually do 85 laps about once or twice a week, but that preparation didn’t help when I swam Walden (it’s only a half pool so that’s a little more than .5 miles). Should you be able to swim all the way across the pond without stopping to rest the way you can run 3  miles without stopping to rest? I don’t know…. swimming experts, please enlighten me.

The last few days have been very weird. I’ve basically been doing the same thing every day. Reading and writing. Working out in the gym is becoming increasingly difficult. I’m not getting results as fast as I like with fat loss or muscle building and it’s really cutting down my motivation. My mind isn’t in the right place. I gotta figure out if i want to keep up the gym or not… I tend to have working sprees and then periods where I don’t work out at all. If I had continuously worked out since senior year, I probably would have better results. Does that mean I should keep working out and the results will come? Or is it useless and will take three years to get my body to where I want it to be? I’m definitely going to keep up the running/cardio because I need that for the FBI fitness test. I don’t know. I wish there was a computer that would tell you exactly how much muscle mass and fat you have and exactly how long it would take to be where you want to be if you did this this and this every day.

I watched half of V for Vendette yesterday. I’ve decided i like his and hannible’s taste in home decorations and, well, life.

That’s all for nowz,

TK

Review of The Complete MBA for Dummies by Dr. Kathleen Allen and Peter Economy

Why is a question that moves you from cognition to connection from simply seeing what is happening to understanding the relationship of one event or trend to another (56).

This book was about as helpful as lead weights to a drowning man.

Not saying this book was bad… it just wasn’t what I was looking for. It’s also about ten years old. I wanted an introduction to the business world, but most of this book talked about management theories and marketing/advertising. I know those disciplines are a part of business, but I wanted to understand the workings of a company from an insider’s perspective and how to take an idea and form a company out of it. I don’t want to work for a business, I want to learn how to build one.

Oh well. I’m going to get a book on entrepreneurship next time.

Things I thought were very interesting:

• Management is getting work done through other people
• Leaders: take initiative, take risks, experiment. Have vision. I definitely need to take the initiate more and take more risks. Don’t we all?
• You manage systems. You lead people.
• Types of power: Personal (charisma, strength of belief, ability to express them). Relationship (who you know). Position (title). Knowledge. Task (job important to the organization as a whole)

Stuffz I learned:

• Characteristics of successful companies
• Spot changes
• Put customers first
• Develop niche in the market
• Innovation “You need to be the one to make your products obsolete” (17).
• Strong teamwork
• Understanding competition and how your business works
• Understanding customer’s mindset
• Flexible business plan
• Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats
• Strategies:broad goals. tactics: putting strategies into action
• Top management- vision. Middle management- plans to achieve vision. Supervisors- execute the plans and monitor performance

There was also a chapter on the accounting, but it’s not really worth it to list what I learned (need to do a lot more memorization lol).

Book heaven + Stuffz

Soz… here’s some fantastically depressing, yet beautiful pictures I took of the sky outside of the gym. It’s kind of odd all of the pictures I take from outside of the gym. You would think I spend more time outside than inside :-P.

I think the first one looks like the eye of a galaxy with stars swirling about the center. It’s no wonder that in ancient times, people looked up at the sky and thought that heaven/god resided there. It’s so beautiful!

We had the funeral for my grandmother. It was very weird. My mom and dad cried a lot. I didn’t cry. I think I kind of disassociated my feelings. I’m good at that. I think most teenagers are.

I went to the library book fair and got an awesome deal on books. 16 books for $14.50.

They are…

1. Buffet: The making of an American Capitalist by Roger Lowenstein
2. Teach Yourself Accounting in 24 Hours by Carol Costa and C. Wesley Addison
3. Finance and Accounting for Nonfinancial Managers by Steven A. Finkler
4. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
5. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman (I loved Social Intelligence)
6. Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh
7. Real Estate Loop-Holes: Secrets of Successful Real Estate Investing by Diane Kennedy, C.P.A and Garret Sutton, ESQ.
8. The Koran
9. Lincoln by David Herbert Donald
10. The Lexus and the Olive Tree by Thomas L. Friedman
11. The Unknown CIA by Russel Jack Smith
12. Benjamin Franklin by Walter Issacson
13. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
14. The Dilbert Principle by Scott Adams (For my dad)
15. Grand Master Ultimate SuDoku Book
16. And this encyclopedia of jokes for my uncle.

I started reading Running With Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs, but I put it down. It just wasn’t very interesting to me. I thought it was going to be a funny book, but it’s more of a ridiculous and, well, sad nature.

Also, The Complete MBA for dummies book that I was talking about in my last post isn’t very good. I wanted a book that would give me an introduction to business, and this is more talking about management. Oh well.

As you can see from the books I bought (at incredible prices :-P. I love the Fletcher Library book sales), I want to get me some knowledge on the subjects of: business, investing, economics, accounting, and real estate.

I think I’m going to buy a book on entrepreneurship. That’s really what I want to know… how to start a business. It’s probably going to take me several years before I’m decently knowledgeable about those subjects, but that’s okay because I won’t be making real money for three years at least! I want to know what to do with my money once I start making it. And I want to be rich and not have to work if I don’t want to.

My mom and dad think I should take business classes or something. I disagree. Classes are a waste. I learn better from books. Putting in the time to read on my own tests my commitment to the subject as well.

On that note, I’ve officially decided that I’m going to major in Criminal Justice and minor in psychology. I only need to take two psychology courses to qualify for a minor (woot!). I was thinking about minoring in international affairs, but I decided not to. It’s not really what i’m interested in, and I would have to take like six classes that arn’t very appealing to me. Once I figure out all the classes I have to take, if there are some left over, I might pursue a double minor. Doubt it though.

I’ve started a new diet where I don’t calorie count, but I can only eat meat, vegetables, and nuts, and have to limit my milk and fruit intake. No carbs what so ever. Supposedly (this is going to sound grim), it’s supposed to send your body into shock, because it’s not getting any carbs, and will begin to start burning fat and muscle instead of sugar. I think I’ll try it for a week or two, see if I lose 1-2 pounds of fat without calorie counting.

I’m thinking I’m going to go visit the boston library and spend a day there just reading and sipping coffee. Pretend I’m in italy or something :-P.

I recently re-discovered the book I wrote for National Novel Writing Month… “The Story of Robert Cauldwell.”  Lol, it’s a dreadful story line, but I was surprised. I can actually see some potential in it. It’s better written than I thought it was. I guess the distance gave me some objective perspective. It made me excited and want to start writing fiction again.

Love,

TK

P.S. I want to own a library. As in my own library. Scratch that, I want to own a castle. Granted, I might not own a castle in the future, but i WILL own my own library and art gallery/sculpture room when I’m older. Also my own weight/fitness room. Also a shooting range, and a range where I can ride horses and shoot at moving targets (no, not people). I also want an zen tea taoist garden. okay. I’ll stop dreaming out loud :-P.

ITz a rainy day here in westford

Itz a rainy ish day, soz I figured I’d post a few things that make me smile…

I love bull dogs…

From “The Family Man”:

Hope you liked and they made you smile/be amused.

-TK